be my valentine

Valentines day is almost here.
Flowers, chocolate, lovely dinners are all nice.
Whatever you are doing on Valentines Day,
remember where true love came from.

1 John 4:7
My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love
comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and
experiences a relationship with God.

Happy Valentines Day.

trust

Life can often be a rollercoaster and I have this human pull to allow myself to emotionally collapse lately. God is really God. He has truly lifted my soul and told me He is taking care of me. I don't know how or when things will change.
I have been on this journey the past three and a half years and am running out of steam. I don't deserve it but I know He is holding me in His arms this very moment. When I feel no one understands the depth of my emotion I try to hold it in- then He swoops in. He hears my cries and embraces me. Part of me wants to share this journey with everyone just to get it off my shoulders but another part tells me to protect myself from comments of people's uneducated opinions.
Another area of concern has been finances. In this economy- that is understandable. I typically worry about money somewhat. Right now, I have a strong sense God will be faithful and will make a way. I want to take a step of faith with the foot I tattooed "faith" on and let God lead me across the unsteady water. Whenever I feel the pull to allow my human emotions to pull me down the only strength I need is to look in His eyes.

great movie

In watching the movie The Hiding Place I have a new found joy. Corrie TenBoom was an amazing person. She was not a Jew but was someone who stood up for them and so was punished by being sent off to a concentration camp. She was in a pit so low and deep and gut wrenching with no end in sight- yet she found strength in the little Bible she snuck in. She read it like it were food to her soul and even read it aloud to serve as a ray on sunshine to others in the camp. People were dying, in pain, sick and alone around her and I am sure felt hopeless everyday. All I can say is wow. Not only did she allow God to uplift her spirits but she served as a light to others despite her pain. I am in a place in life where I am in pain- but no where close to the pain and despair surrounding Corrie TenBoom. If Corrie used the Bible as her source of joy- surely since I am in a place much better then she was in- it would do the same for me. I have a new light- reading God's word can help sustain me and give me hope during a time of life I don't understand. I have been reading the Bible with a new found joy since this movie. I highly suggest it. Stick it in your netflix que.

suspended in time and space

Have you ever felt like you are in a place in life where you just don’t know where you are going? I feel suspended in time and space with so many optional directions and pathways it’s unnerving. I have felt this in my life before however what is unusual about this time around is a feeling of marked slowness. That is unusual for me. I do not feel the need to make a quick decision, take control and make things happen now-quick-fast. I told God He was in control and I would only make decisions based on what He led me towards. I want only to be in His will. What a difference this has made. I can breathe a little more deeply and freely. I can hear His voice more clearly in lieu of listening to my own brain rattling around every possible directions outcome. Having attempted in the past to lay my future at His feet, I only grabbed it again and ran away hoping God would not notice. He did notice. I am sure He shook His head and said, “if she would only let me take care of her.” I am tired of running away with it and trying to make my own way with while my head is spinning. Here ya go Jesus- please take care of me here. I’ll let you take it this time.

-Be still and know that I am God.
- Psalm 18:35-37
- Psalm 119:34-36

PS_ the pic is of a girl actually named rachel bowman. (rachelbowman.net)